Jan 23, 2015
I've had enough!!!
There has to be
more to life than being hurt, depressed and frustrated all the time! TV
wasn't helping. Eating while getting fat wasn't helping either! While
other people were living their lives to the fullest with their loving
friends, I was moping around feeling sorry for myself. Something had to
change!
But what?! And how?!
In
2010, I was taking art and architecture courses at CCSF to pursue other
interesting subjects in the world. I did my course work and took many
naps in the library. Sometimes, I would put my studies aside to read
other books that seemed interesting as I browsed the non-fiction and
magazine sections. Psychology Today was the magazine to read!
One day, I stumbled upon the self-help/religious section where I found books featuring the teachings of the Dalai Lama.
Was this the answer to my problems?
I read it... I meditated, but I needed another perspective. So I went
back to that section to read 50 other books from different authors.
Everyone seemed to be saying the same thing, but something wasn't
clicking especially since its my first exposure.
One of the first
books that spoke to me was a simple read from Thích Nhất Hạnh. It must
have been his simple style of writing that made it easier to understand,
resonating within me. Even then, I still had to let things sink in and
wrap my mind around most of his teachings to fully get it.
Enjoy washing dishes? Smile as I breath in?
Why would anyone do that? I can't smile while I meditate! I will look ridiculous especially here in the library! I stopped reading that book and took a nap.
Three
times a week, I returned to the same bookshelf where I could find
similar but different topics on self-help. For most books, I would just
read the words, but I wouldn't have a clue of what the last 20 pages
were about. I tried meditation to quiet my mind, which seemed the
easiest and showed the most progress but my thoughts were still negative
and hurtful to my well-being.
Eventually, I would practice what
Thích Nhất Hạnh suggested. Washing dishes is... fun... It didn't work.
So I decided to go into nature and smile with myself and the flowers.
That, along with meditation, did calm my thoughts down. In 2011, I was a
much calmer person, but my thoughts were still on auto pilot and
negative.
What will it take for me to not have these thoughts?
Whenever
I would hear the names of my former friends, my heart would race and I
would immediately get angry. I still had some contact with them, but in
order for me to change my negative habits, I would need to cut off all
contact. My battle with my former friends became an internal battle with
myself. My automatic responses were negative and prompting much needed
change. Meditation helped, but I wanted more research and information to
develop intellectually and be more open to new ideas. I continued to
read to grasp these concepts.
As I slowly progressed throughout
the year, some of the books that I've reread made more sense than the
first few times. Things began to click in my head as I exposed myself to
the same concepts from different books and perspectives. [Even now in
2015, if I were to read the same books, I would interpret something new]
I was finally grasping the ideas due to the amount of exposure and
attention I was giving to this topic. Doors for new information have
been opening up for me and I continued to pursue the journey for a zen
lifestyle.
From 2010 to 2011, I've spent two years learning about
meditation and calming the mind. Then in 2012, I was ready to graduate
from meditation and explore other information sources. With an open and
calm mind, I explored many talks including the law of attraction, the
simple physics of energy and how we are the creators of our own reality.
I didn't believe any of these topics were possible, because we were
never taught any of these subjects in school. It took awhile for me to
grasp these ideas, but after three additional years of exposure, in
conjunction with my continued meditation practice, I finally see things
clearly in 2015.
Learning
about the law of attraction and how we have the power of choice and
emotion has helped me tremendously to become a more confident
individual. Solving problems has never been easier with solutions
appearing before a problem even arises. Great things happen to me and my
life is amazing!
In five years, I have learned to practice the following into my lifestyle.
- We are all-powerful beings
- power of choice
- positive and negative belief systems
- power of emotions & momentum
- intention
- energy vibrations
- loving kindness
- forgiving oneself and others
- compassion to all
- mindfulness / awareness
We all the power of choice to achieve happiness in our lives. It is up to you to take control of how you want to live.
Reinvention
I
practice mindful and positive thinking on a regular basis. My constant
reinvention enables me to be more open to share my story.I empower
people to follow their happiness and see the world with more love in
their hearts.
Recently,
I've decided to tidy up our garden to make it more easily accessible as
if it were an extension to our house. On 8/8/15, I've dedicated well
spent time to manifest my vision of a zen garden. I've cleared areas for
cleanliness, organized and manicured plants for a pleasant presentation
and created space with positive energy. Meanwhile I've been picking
figs as they are ready to eat. Harvesting figs requires a higher ladder
to reach the ones at the very top. So, I've decided to use our taller
ladder and have placed it in the most perfect position after
experimenting different positions. VIOLA!
I
wasn't given any direct nor honest answers that I expected from real
friends. That hurt. They told lies so they can silence me to avoid
further questioning. That hurt even more. They would say nice things in
the moment, but never followed up with their word when the time arrived.
The worst feeling in the world is when you ask someone you trusted a
question and the only thing given was false hope. They wanted to shut me
up for that moment. That hurt.
