Why? I asked. Why?...
Jan 23, 2015
The beginning
It
started around the Fall of 2009 when I hit rock bottom. The escalating
drama that happened inside my mind and around my environment completely
overwhelmed me. I wasn't happy with the outcome of my relationships
specifically with once trusted friends. They left me out of their
leisurely activities and gathering. They went on mini vacations, took
many photos and posted them onto social media while my existence wasn't
acknowledged.Why? I asked.

Why? I asked.
Other responses I would get indirectly implied that it was my fault for the way things were. At that time, I had blocked my texting capabilities on my phone, because I preferred that people called so I can hear their voices. [We will talk about this in another post] It seemed that since texting was a huge deal to people, that no other method of communication was even an option. Our friendship started off with phone calls in the early 2000's, so why would their answer be valid now? Does social media dictate our long-term friendships? They concluded that my lack of texting was my fault and the reason why I wasn't invited to any outings.To them, texting does trump friendship. At any given chance, they would ask was if I had texting yet.

Why? I asked.
Even during our conversations, I could feel that they didn't want me around and having an encounter with me was burdensome to them. Yet, I was still holding them as if they were still my true friends. Fighting for answers. Fighting for love. Giving them the benefit of doubt for all of their answers even though I had a bad feeling about them. I didn't understand why I was treated so negatively, but I had hope even though I knew that it was over.If I had stuck around, I would have been someone who was a nuisance... just like how they treated their other "friends"... Then I realized... I put all the puzzle pieces together. I was treated the same way as the other "friends" who were ignored and made fun of behind their backs. I saw it clearly, but... I kept holding onto hope... false hope... I did not want to believe that!
My days were occupied with what-ifs, whys and what-did-I-do-wrongs. My nights were restless because I kept replaying our conversations, questioning everything and feeling sad, angry and frustrated for the way things were.

Why? I asked...
Rock bottom... My friends didn't like me and it was my fault for being who I am... It hurt being left out from once trusted friendships. It was my fault.Why? I asked...
No answers... No closure... just abandoned.Yet, I still wanted love from them. My friends...
Reinvention
I
practice mindful and positive thinking on a regular basis. My constant
reinvention enables me to be more open to share my story.I empower
people to follow their happiness and see the world with more love in
their hearts.
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